I have no idea what's goign on lately. It seems my temper has been on a hair trigger lately and tonight on the way home I randomly felt like I was going to cry, in between feeling pissed off. The odd thing is that there's nothing really that should be causing this to happen. I don't know if this is cumulative stress or the moon or what. I think part of it is that I really really really need to have the whole condo thing done. 2 years of planning and working for this is begginning to wear. I also think I really really need a vacation. I plan to take 2 weeks off after the closing to move in and to relax and enjoy my new home.
I worry about my stress level sometimes. I wonder if I bottle things up sometimes. Its funny, all my friends consider me this rock of a person that is always the calm one, the one who carefully considers everything and doesn't make rash judgements. They think I have it all figured out and that I can handle anything. One friend, in a drunken rant, even called me perfect. Damn, its been months now and that throwaway remark still bothers me....
I know I'm certainly not perfect and I'm certainly no rock. I sometimes fear for the person who truly gets me to let my anger fly. The level of rage I tend to keep in check when it blossoms would surpise those who think i am the incarnation of calm. I simply learned very early in life how to be strong enough to be the anchor for those around me and to keep my head held high and walk through any situation.
Ugh, I don't know what's going on. My emotions haven't been this much of a mess in a very long time and my level of control of them has never been this tenuous. I don't mean for this to sound like I'm going to snap into Mr. Hyde at any moment but its just a little odd to have these unexpected mood swings and to have actual emotions spike so easily. *sigh* I'm sure some sleep and then my vacation next month will balance things out.
Well that's enough of a rant for one day.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
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4 comments:
At times, I have the tendency to sound very preachy and know it all. At the risk of sounding like that, I'll make the following comment. Sometimes, the thing we fear the most is the thing we really need to do. If you've got too much rage, you need to let it out. If you can't stop thinking about letting it out..then you REALLY need to let it out.
Saying that someone is perfect does place quite a bit of pressure on that person. However, think of who you are, TC. You're the constantly well dressed guy that everybody likes to hang out with. You do give the impression that you've got all your proverbial shit together. If you were to "lose it" so to speak, all your friends respect you enough to let you say and do what you need to, and still follow their "crowned queen."
*hug*
I've seen you 'lose it' once or twice TC and as stated by others no respect lost at all. Coming from someone who also doesn't show it much I know how it feels to need to vent...and you've been a vent for me at time...so if you gotta let it out just go for it. What works best for me is swearing at stupid idiot drivers during my hour commute to and from work...how easily that relieves tension and nobody is the wiser or gets hurt.
Can't wait to see the condo too!!
Darlin, I've always known you're not perfect. Perfect people wouldn't be friends with the nuts you're friends with. Either that or you're channeling my unhappiness at being back in Atlanta. But hey, 6 more weeks till break and then you can stop channeling the cranky. Love ya sweetie. It was good seeing you!
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