Friday, October 15, 2010

A letter to past me, from future me

I saw a letter like this on a gay advice column and I felt the need to do the same in light of the recent spate of lives that have been tragically cut short due to suicide and related to homophobia and bullying.  I thankfully never got to a point where I considered ending my life, but there were times I did want to run away from it all.  I was lucky to have the love and support of family and friends.  Some kids aren’t so lucky.

Dear Tommy,

 

I wish this letter would find you well, but I know that you are having a rough time right now.  You are thinking about the upcoming year at Junior High School.  You’re still drying your tears from the sobbing you did, begging Mom and Dad to send you to a private Junior High.  They told you to hold on for a bit longer and it will get better, and in the end they will be right.

 

The taunting, harassment, and teasing seems unbearable at the moment, and you want to disappear to some place where nobody knows you and you can start over.  You are tired of being called a girl, a sissy, and other names.  You’ve always been strong, and you’ve learned over the years not to cry, because crying just makes them tease you more.

 

I wish I could tell you that every day would be better, but we both know that wouldn’t be realistic.  Next year the boys will learn some new taunts, such as “gay boy” and “faggot” and that will be rough, but you’ll also have some great friends who will help you through it.  Your friend Chris in particular will stick up for you and have a few words with people and it’ll soon die down.  You’ll even begin to enjoy school forgetting that you ever wanted to go somewhere else.

 

In high school, you’ll have a few years before the whispering and the teasing starts up again, but by this time you’ll have more confidence to handle it on your own.  You’ll use that head of yours to turn things around and stand up for yourself, just like Mom and Dad said you would.  It won’t be the easiest thing, but you will be better for having gone through it.

 

In college, you’ll figure some other things out and make some life long friends that help you deal with everything that you’ve held tightly inside for so many, many years.  Most importantly, you won’t be alone.

 

I can tell you that eventually, you’ll be successful, confident and most importantly happy.  It won’t happen overnight.  You’ll have your battles to fight, but you’ll come out stronger every time.

 

So dry those tears, go to sleep and get ready to show the world that we never back down, we just keep moving forward.

 

Sincerely,

 

Tom, Age 31

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It could be because I'm pregnant and I am overly emotional, but that post made me cry. Very sweet.

I was fortunate to not be teased in school. (or I was and I don't remember, or it was so long ago I don't consider it an impact on my life.)

I really hope I wasn't one of the kids who may have teased another and made them feel bad about themselves.

I think you should get your letter more public. And more of us should write letters to our youthful selves and share them with kids now.

dinane said...

I just want to hug you, TC. You are awesome and amazing and I can't imagine the pain you had to endure to get to where you are. It isn't fair. I am so glad you rose above the harassment.

And to Dani - (a) Congratulations! (b) You don't have to be pregnant to cry at this post. It was beautiful.

Deborah Collins said...

You are a very strong and brave young man. I am very proud of you and proud to be your mother. This made me cry and shine in my heart at the same time. I think it is an important letter and one that may help other adolesants as they experience their life. This letter was to all teens not just to my young beautiful son.

Mom