Denver and the Western Conservative Summit

Again, this is my life. I'm attending a conference in two weeks in Denver. It will be attended by more than 6500 LGBTQ people and allies. We've recently found out that the Western Conservative Summit will be overlapping the first few days. As such, security is being increased.

The mere presence of a large conservative political group has us worried enough to increase security to an LGBTQ event. Ponder that a bit.

While it's true that the actions at Pulse Nightclub are fresh in our mind, and we're all being extra careful, it's a "normal" calculation when travelling, going out, choosing where to go out to, that you consider the various threats to yourself as an LGBTQ person.

I've had homophobic comments made to me just one town over in Auburn when I was at a bar. So it's not just about a foreign place or a specific group of people. You get so used to it, it's almost not conscious thought anymore.

Orlando simply brought those subconscious thoughts to the forefront and pulled back the veneer that we had moved to a new level of acceptance. If you're wondering why the LGBTQ folks in your life are so deeply affected by Pulse, this is partly why.

That is my life. ‪#‎EveryDamnDay‬.

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My Thoughts on the Election

I know it's been quite a while since I have posted here, and maybe I'll start back up again more regularly, but for now I have to say my piece on the upcoming election.  The results of this election mean a lot to me.  This election has made me much more strident in my poltical viewpoints and much more likely to raise my voice politically. It's not because I like to cause a stir, or that I like getting into it with people in politics. It's because I'm scared. I've literally had nights where I couldn't sleep due to worrying about the outcome of this election.

For me, this election is about more than just the economy or what is left, right or center. For me this about my rights and about being treated as a basic human being. It’s about being a first class citizen. It is about being able to someday marry the man I fall in love with, to adopt a child, to have a family, to have the right to visit him if he’s sick and in the hospital, to be lucky enough to have what so many of my friends and family have found over the years. I’m lucky to live in a state that is a bit ahead of the curve and provides that, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll always live in this state.

I can’t trust Romney. He ran for governor as a centrist on many issues. He courted the gay vote and told us that he would support us in our fight for greater civil rights. He’s since qualified that by saying he meant that, but he never meant that civil marriage rights were civil rights. He made gay marriage and his former constituents punch lines to get laughs and support from the rest of the country as he ran for President. He’s become more and more avowed about preventing expansion or curbing/repealing existing rights for gay people.

Romney has committed to keeping DOMA on the books, which would among many things make me and my spouse have to file taxes as a single person. DOMA prevents same-sex spouses from receiving federal benefits such as social security, military pensions, etc. He also will put forth an amendment to the constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman.

From MittRomney.com:
“As president, Mitt will not only appoint an Attorney General who will defend the Defense of Marriage Act – a bipartisan law passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton – but he will also champion a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman.”

Paul Ryan has given assurances to “Focus on the Family” (a longstanding anti-gay group) that a Romney-Ryan administration would push for the Federal Marriage Amendment. Both of the top Republicans in the Senate and House support the FMA. The party platform also supports the FMA. This is not just a few fringe elements spouting off, this is the core leadership of the party.

In the end, I cannot support a candidate or a party that systematically seeks to curb or remove my rights.

I will be voting Obama to another 4 years in office.  He has stopped defending DOMA, he has come around to finally supporting full marriage equality, and he worked to get DADT repealed.  For this and more, he has earned my vote.

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Hate is not a family value

One thing I’m not shy about on my blog are my feelings about gay rights and what I’ve gone through as a gay man over the years.  I’m pretty lucky overall.  I have a loving and supportive family, friends who support me for who I am and organizations, such as my fraternity, that have always made me feel at home.  This has made me a very strong and confident gay man who is at peace with myself, comfortable with my sexuality and able to deal with the ignorance, bigotry and outright hatred that is in the world.

 

In the recent months there have been 6 boys from middle school to college age that have taken their lives, rather than live with the bullying and harassment that they were subject to, sometimes on a daily basis.

 

Recently, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council (one of those “Family Values” coalitions that seek to eliminate any and all gay rights, as well as anything else that they don’t find fit into their small minded views") was given a platform for his views by the Washington Post as part of their desire to hear “both sides” of the gay teen suicide issue.  In this diatribe he turned around and blamed the problem on the Gay community.  Here’s an excerpt:

 

“Some homosexuals may recognize intuitively that their same-sex attractions are abnormal--yet they have been told by the homosexual movement, and their allies in the media and the educational establishment, that they are ‘born gay’ and can never change,” he wrote. “This--and not society's disapproval--may create a sense of despair that can lead to suicide.”

This is classic “blame the victim”.  The consistent cry from the religious far right is that homosexuality is a choice, that’s it’s learned and that you can be “cured”.  This is their basis for why there shouldn’t be gay marriage.  They argue against gay adoption because it could turn the children gay.  Now they are saying that the hate and hostile environment that groups like them foster isn’t the problem, it’s merely that the Gays are saying that homosexuality cannot be changed that is causing these children to take their own lives.

 

I have a few thoughts on this.

1. For the straight people reading this, when did you decide to be straight?  At what point did you actively consider, try out and process going either straight or gay? 
2. I am a gay child of straight parents.  Most gay children come from straight parents.  How exactly will gay parents influence their children any more or less than straight parents?
3. The American Psychiatric Association has long since moved away from the idea that homosexuality is a condition that can be “cured”.  Also, how often have we heard of members and leaders of these groups that preach the ability to change and be straight ending up embroiled in gay sex scandals? (George Rekers, Eddie Long, Ted Haggard)

 

The one thing that I take consolation in is that in the long run progress and understanding only move forward.  It won’t happen overnight, but I know that in my lifetime I will see a time when gays are equal to straights in all ways.

 

How to help and show support:

• There is currently a movement to recognize this unfortunate trend of gay suicide and in honor of those lives which have been cut far too short, on October 20 everyone is being encouraged to wear purple.  I will be doing so and invite you to do the same.
• It Get’s Better Project: A website to show lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth that it does get better and that suicide is not the answer
• The Trevor Project: A national crisis and suicide prevention hotline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth.

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The Election

I'll admit, I'm not thrilled with exactly how Obama parses his gay rights stance, but at the very least he's not going out of his way to make things any worse. He just wants gays to have marriage light, as opposed to full marriage.

McCain has voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment in the past, saying its a state's issue, but then has supported Arizona's state amendment to ban it and currently has supported the California ban against gay marriage that will be up for a vote in November. Palin has also stated that Gays can expect an administration where there will be tolerance, but count me out of feeling warm and fuzzy about people who merely tolerate my existance. She's also made clear that she wants to stir things up and bring back the push for the Federal Marriage Amendment. Here's the full quote:

"I am, in my own, state, I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that that's where we would go because I don't support gay marriage. I'm not going to be out there judging individuals, sitting in a seat of judgment telling what they can and can't do, should and should not do, but I certainly can express my own opinion here and take actions that I believe would be best for traditional marriage and that's casting my votes and speaking up for traditional marriage that, that instrument that it's the foundation of our society is that strong family and that's based on that traditional definition of marriage, so I do support that."

Is it wrong that I just want this whole election mess to be over?

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