My Thoughts on the Election

I know it's been quite a while since I have posted here, and maybe I'll start back up again more regularly, but for now I have to say my piece on the upcoming election.  The results of this election mean a lot to me.  This election has made me much more strident in my poltical viewpoints and much more likely to raise my voice politically. It's not because I like to cause a stir, or that I like getting into it with people in politics. It's because I'm scared. I've literally had nights where I couldn't sleep due to worrying about the outcome of this election.

For me, this election is about more than just the economy or what is left, right or center. For me this about my rights and about being treated as a basic human being. It’s about being a first class citizen. It is about being able to someday marry the man I fall in love with, to adopt a child, to have a family, to have the right to visit him if he’s sick and in the hospital, to be lucky enough to have what so many of my friends and family have found over the years. I’m lucky to live in a state that is a bit ahead of the curve and provides that, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll always live in this state.

I can’t trust Romney. He ran for governor as a centrist on many issues. He courted the gay vote and told us that he would support us in our fight for greater civil rights. He’s since qualified that by saying he meant that, but he never meant that civil marriage rights were civil rights. He made gay marriage and his former constituents punch lines to get laughs and support from the rest of the country as he ran for President. He’s become more and more avowed about preventing expansion or curbing/repealing existing rights for gay people.

Romney has committed to keeping DOMA on the books, which would among many things make me and my spouse have to file taxes as a single person. DOMA prevents same-sex spouses from receiving federal benefits such as social security, military pensions, etc. He also will put forth an amendment to the constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman.

From MittRomney.com:
“As president, Mitt will not only appoint an Attorney General who will defend the Defense of Marriage Act – a bipartisan law passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton – but he will also champion a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman.”

Paul Ryan has given assurances to “Focus on the Family” (a longstanding anti-gay group) that a Romney-Ryan administration would push for the Federal Marriage Amendment. Both of the top Republicans in the Senate and House support the FMA. The party platform also supports the FMA. This is not just a few fringe elements spouting off, this is the core leadership of the party.

In the end, I cannot support a candidate or a party that systematically seeks to curb or remove my rights.

I will be voting Obama to another 4 years in office.  He has stopped defending DOMA, he has come around to finally supporting full marriage equality, and he worked to get DADT repealed.  For this and more, he has earned my vote.

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Tomorrow

Well, I can’t say enough how much I have appreciated all the kind words I’ve received after posting my “letter”.  That it moved some of you to tears, moved me as well.

Tomorrow (Wednesday, October 20, 2010) many people will be wearing purple to honor the 7 boys who have committed suicide in recent weeks due to homophobia and bullying as well as all of those who have been and continued to be bullied.

One of my favorite songs, especially when my days are grey and lonely is “Tomorrow” from Annie; which incidentally was the first musical I ever saw.  My Mom took me when I was 8.  So as you see it’s her fault I’m gay ;)

Additionally, Matt Doyle and other Broadway stars have put together a new song for the "It Get’s Better” project.

Remember – wear purple tomorrow!

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A letter to past me, from future me

I saw a letter like this on a gay advice column and I felt the need to do the same in light of the recent spate of lives that have been tragically cut short due to suicide and related to homophobia and bullying.  I thankfully never got to a point where I considered ending my life, but there were times I did want to run away from it all.  I was lucky to have the love and support of family and friends.  Some kids aren’t so lucky.

Dear Tommy,

 

I wish this letter would find you well, but I know that you are having a rough time right now.  You are thinking about the upcoming year at Junior High School.  You’re still drying your tears from the sobbing you did, begging Mom and Dad to send you to a private Junior High.  They told you to hold on for a bit longer and it will get better, and in the end they will be right.

 

The taunting, harassment, and teasing seems unbearable at the moment, and you want to disappear to some place where nobody knows you and you can start over.  You are tired of being called a girl, a sissy, and other names.  You’ve always been strong, and you’ve learned over the years not to cry, because crying just makes them tease you more.

 

I wish I could tell you that every day would be better, but we both know that wouldn’t be realistic.  Next year the boys will learn some new taunts, such as “gay boy” and “faggot” and that will be rough, but you’ll also have some great friends who will help you through it.  Your friend Chris in particular will stick up for you and have a few words with people and it’ll soon die down.  You’ll even begin to enjoy school forgetting that you ever wanted to go somewhere else.

 

In high school, you’ll have a few years before the whispering and the teasing starts up again, but by this time you’ll have more confidence to handle it on your own.  You’ll use that head of yours to turn things around and stand up for yourself, just like Mom and Dad said you would.  It won’t be the easiest thing, but you will be better for having gone through it.

 

In college, you’ll figure some other things out and make some life long friends that help you deal with everything that you’ve held tightly inside for so many, many years.  Most importantly, you won’t be alone.

 

I can tell you that eventually, you’ll be successful, confident and most importantly happy.  It won’t happen overnight.  You’ll have your battles to fight, but you’ll come out stronger every time.

 

So dry those tears, go to sleep and get ready to show the world that we never back down, we just keep moving forward.

 

Sincerely,

 

Tom, Age 31

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Hate is not a family value

One thing I’m not shy about on my blog are my feelings about gay rights and what I’ve gone through as a gay man over the years.  I’m pretty lucky overall.  I have a loving and supportive family, friends who support me for who I am and organizations, such as my fraternity, that have always made me feel at home.  This has made me a very strong and confident gay man who is at peace with myself, comfortable with my sexuality and able to deal with the ignorance, bigotry and outright hatred that is in the world.

 

In the recent months there have been 6 boys from middle school to college age that have taken their lives, rather than live with the bullying and harassment that they were subject to, sometimes on a daily basis.

 

Recently, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council (one of those “Family Values” coalitions that seek to eliminate any and all gay rights, as well as anything else that they don’t find fit into their small minded views") was given a platform for his views by the Washington Post as part of their desire to hear “both sides” of the gay teen suicide issue.  In this diatribe he turned around and blamed the problem on the Gay community.  Here’s an excerpt:

 

“Some homosexuals may recognize intuitively that their same-sex attractions are abnormal--yet they have been told by the homosexual movement, and their allies in the media and the educational establishment, that they are ‘born gay’ and can never change,” he wrote. “This--and not society's disapproval--may create a sense of despair that can lead to suicide.”

This is classic “blame the victim”.  The consistent cry from the religious far right is that homosexuality is a choice, that’s it’s learned and that you can be “cured”.  This is their basis for why there shouldn’t be gay marriage.  They argue against gay adoption because it could turn the children gay.  Now they are saying that the hate and hostile environment that groups like them foster isn’t the problem, it’s merely that the Gays are saying that homosexuality cannot be changed that is causing these children to take their own lives.

 

I have a few thoughts on this.

1. For the straight people reading this, when did you decide to be straight?  At what point did you actively consider, try out and process going either straight or gay? 
2. I am a gay child of straight parents.  Most gay children come from straight parents.  How exactly will gay parents influence their children any more or less than straight parents?
3. The American Psychiatric Association has long since moved away from the idea that homosexuality is a condition that can be “cured”.  Also, how often have we heard of members and leaders of these groups that preach the ability to change and be straight ending up embroiled in gay sex scandals? (George Rekers, Eddie Long, Ted Haggard)

 

The one thing that I take consolation in is that in the long run progress and understanding only move forward.  It won’t happen overnight, but I know that in my lifetime I will see a time when gays are equal to straights in all ways.

 

How to help and show support:

• There is currently a movement to recognize this unfortunate trend of gay suicide and in honor of those lives which have been cut far too short, on October 20 everyone is being encouraged to wear purple.  I will be doing so and invite you to do the same.
• It Get’s Better Project: A website to show lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth that it does get better and that suicide is not the answer
• The Trevor Project: A national crisis and suicide prevention hotline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth.

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Were the World Mine

I saw Were the World Mine this past Wednesday. I went in to the Kendal Square Landmark Cinema in Cambridge to see it with Jony and Dani. I was a bit worried because I have been looking forward to it so much I feared I'd be dissapointed. The wonderful thing was that it exceeded my expectations. Was it a perfect movie? No. Were there points that I could critique it? Yes. Was it greater than the sum of its parts? Completely.

The singing and music was fantastic and incredibly well done. It was uplifting and happy without being overly sappy. It was though provoking without being to cerebral. Overall it was a movie that once it got going just made you enjoy it. It was fantastical but had consequences.

Unfortunately it is no longer playing (only a one week engagement), but I recommend looking for it when it comes out on DVD in the spring/summer.

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Musical? Shakespeare? Gay boys in love? I'm sooo there!

Ok, I've recently become obsessed with a new film coming out in Boston on Friday December 5.

The story is about a boy, after being cast as Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream, who stumbles upon a hidden recipe within the script to make the play's love pansy, causing anyone to fall in love with the first person they lay eyes on. He proceeds to turn most of his small-town gay to varying results and consequences.

The music sounds great, and the voices on the two leads are just incredible. I plan to see it when it opens, anyone with me?

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Lawmaker says gays are worse than terrorists

Every once and a while I begin to forget that as a gay man, I'm targeted. I forget at times that as a gay man there are people out there who fear me and hate me. This is one of those times I'm forced to remember.

This clip was from Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern speaking to a Republican group. She says at one point:

"I honestly think it's the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam."

If you'd like to do something about this you can go to the HRC to send a letter to the Governor and top legislators.

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Last Day in L.A.

So yesterday Colin and I went to the Grand Central Market where we got some fresh produce and walked around the city a bit.

After that we headed home, got lunch and I got on a conference call for the board of the Glee Club Associates, our alumni group. That went well and we got the alumni concert planned.

Following that, Kristin came home and we watched some TV, ordered pizza and just relaxed before the end goal of the evening, which was heading out to West Hollywood, or WeHo, for some fun times dancing at a gay club. The plan was for it to be me, Kristin, and two of her friends. The ladies and I were all set to go and then we had an unexpected addition of Colin being able to leave a little early from work, so he joined us.

We went to Rage which looked like it would have been perfect.... if it hadn't been Latino night. This is what you get for going out on a Wednesday. :-/ Colin and Kristin had fun showing off their fine salsa moves but we then left to move on to other venues for the evening, but it looked like everywhere else were just bars, rather than dance clubs, or just plain empty; again with the Wednesday night thing. Ahh well.

We then went home, made drinks, made cookies, and watched Project Runway, which I'm afraid to admit, I think I'm addicted to now. Damn you Kristin!! :)

So now I'm getting everything packed up to head up to Oregon today to visit my friend Sean and begin the last portion of my travels before returning home Sunday night and back to work on Monday.

I promise to try to bring back some Cali weather!!

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Gotta love J. K. Rowling

At a recent appearence at Carnegie Hall, J. K. Rowling was taking questions from the audience when a young fan asked if Dumbledore finds "true love". Rowling then responded that Dumbledore was gay.

Well if that doesn't get the religious right groups in a tizzy, I don't know what will.

She also gives the answers to a number of questions and the The Leaky Cauldron has a full transcript, but here's the question about Dumbledore.

Did Dumbledore, who believed in the prevailing power of love, ever fall in love himself?

My truthful answer to you... I always thought of Dumbledore as gay. [ovation.] ... Dumbledore fell in love with Grindelwald, and that that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was. To an extent, do we say it excused Dumbledore a little more because falling in love can blind us to an extend, but he met someone as brilliant as he was, and rather like Bellatrix he was very drawn to this brilliant person, and horribly, terribly let down by him. Yeah, that's how i always saw Dumbledore. In fact, recently I was in a script read through for the sixth film, and they had Dumbledore saying a line to Harry early in the script saying I knew a girl once, whose hair... [laughter]. I had to write a little note in the margin and slide it along to the scriptwriter, "Dumbledore's gay!" [laughter] If I'd known it would make you so happy, I would have announced it years ago!

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What to say, what to say...

So I've had very little motivation to post lately. It's been a whirlwind since I returned to work. The wound is healing mostly well. If I sit wrong it feels like its pulling a bit and it's been bleeding a little since the stiches came out (I called and they said it was normal).

Living with Cate is going well at the moment. Additionally she's doing well in her classes which is key.

The main thing is that I want to get out and do fun things like go bike riding, or swimming or anything that I'm not supposed to do right now. I just want it to be healed and done with. *sigh* I suppose I should be thankful it was sutured and not packed and that its proceeding as fast as it is, but you always want more. :)

Let's see... what else...

Last week I went up to NH with Max. It was a great time and probably more strenuous than I should have been 2 days after stiches coming out. Ah well. We ended up staying in a Comfort Inn in North Conway. Pretty much everwhere was booked and all that was left was a smoking room. NEVER AGAIN. I will search through every last hotel, motel and/or B&B before I EVER take a smoking room again. It was the most vile, disgusting thing I've had to deal with in a while. The room was caked with the stale oder of cigarette smoke everywhere you went. Hell next time I'll just pop for the honeymoon suite (which was the only available non-smoking room) if that's all that's left. It'll be worth the money not to feel like my lungs were filling with toxins.

On Friday I went to the 25th anniversary concert for the Boston's Men's Gay Chorus. It was their annual concert for pride weekend and it was a great time. They had Linda Eder as a guest. Her "Don't Rain on My Parade" with the chorus just brought down the house, it was fantastic. Also great was the fact that they sang "Brothers Sing On" which is what the WPI Glee Club sings at every concert. For an encore Linda sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". My fraternity brother and fellow Glee Club alum JJ invited me to see the show. He's been trying to get me to a show for ages and schedules finally aligned. I decided to get two tickets and take someone with me. I initially invited Patrick but he couldn't go. After that I called up Judd and he was happy to come along. He loved it and was glad I "dragged him" there. :)

Afterwards Judd had to go home but I went over to JJ's along with Kurt and Pere and we caught up and had a great time. I ended up leaving Boston about 2:30 am, took a cab back to my car and then drove back to Worcester. I got to bed about 4 am and then slept until 3pm on Saturday.

Sunday I went to see Ocean's 13. It was good, I enjoyed it. I rented Ocean's 11 and 12 and watched them Friday. I liked both as well. For those who've seen the first two, 13 is more like 11. It's a straight out caper film.

After that I ended up getting tipsy with Martha and Dani. It was FANTASTIC.

Well that's all for now.

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